We have just recently made the acquaintance of the charming mayor of San Juan Puerto Rico, Carmen Yulin Cruz Soto. We loved the way she stood up to the evil President Trump in her casual cap and T-shirt outfits. She literally looked like she was going to bat for the people of Puerto Rico and we immediately jumped onto her team.
Donald Trump and the Mayor traded insults, keeping us entertained until the Vegas Rt. 91 Harvest Festival came around and forced us to direct our attention elsewhere. By the way, did you know that there isn’t even a road called Route 91 in Vegas? There is a Route 91; however, it begins at New Haven Connecticut and runs north to Canada. Fun fact.
But, getting back to the situation in Puerto Rico….. How can there be anything devious about a devastating hurricane and a sweet little Mayor wanting to help her community? The trick is to look past the obvious butter and jam on the situation and realize this is just one more slice of day old bread for impoverished Puerto Ricans. Puerto Rico is prime Caribbean real estate; close to the mainland, it has most likely always been in the plans of the elite for use as an exclusive playground area. But, what should be done with all those pesky, dark skinned, poor people that already reside there? I mean so what if it was those same elite that shipped their ancestors there from Africa as slaves in the first place. Obviously, they must be relocated. The problem with the plan is that that people living in tropical paradise are slow to relocate to cold unfriendly climates. They need a little nudge to get them moving..and maybe a cruise ship or two.
Of course no one is paying attention to the fact that Puerto Ricans are being systematically shipped to the mainland right now because….Vegas…
But, once again I digress. Gee it is easy to get distracted isn’t it?
So what are the three steps involved in getting a population of people to move from tropical paradise to say, Chicago? A friendly Jewish mayor with his arms wide open is a nice touch. I wonder if anyone bothered to ask the residents of Chicago if they are ready for the influx of a few thousand Puerto Ricans just in time for winter?
Pro Tip: How to Create Available Caribbean Real Estate in 3 Easy Steps
- Use your secret weather technology to steer a giant hurricane into the desired area and cause as much havoc as you can muster without destroying valuable infrastructure that you might need later ie. the airport.
2. Tell people that had to evacuate that their homes are destroyed and that they must relocate for their own good. This will mainly affect people with property in close vicinity to the waterfront of course. Show images on the media that support whatever lies you are telling so that everyone believes the situation is much worse than it really is.
And, be sure to hire a convincing, compassionate spokesperson to play the part of Mayor Carmen Yulin Cruz. It is important that your message be believable and heart wrenching. Someone like Lorraine Bracco from the Sopranos would be perfect for this role.
3. Ask the president of the United States to send some cruise ships to get those poor people off of the island. And, always show images of blonde, light skinned people as the prototype refugees to the host country.
Heads up America! Here come a few boat loads of Puertorriquenos bound for the promised land.
New video by Alice: